tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11034583987969646312024-02-06T19:21:04.846-08:00Reckless Abandon"There is never a sudden revelation, a complete and tidy explanation for why it happened, or why it ends, or why or who you are. You want one and I want one, but there isn't one. It comes in bits and pieces,and you stitch them together wherever they fit, and when you are done you hold yourself up, and still there are holes and you are a rag doll, invented, imperfect. And yet you are all that you have, so you must be enough. There is no other way."Reckless_Abandonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09447858443331843388noreply@blogger.comBlogger100125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1103458398796964631.post-10663430113919687562010-06-22T13:36:00.001-07:002010-06-22T13:36:52.728-07:00It's clearly time to start a new blog.<div><br /></div><div>Aloha Tumblr</div>Reckless_Abandonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09447858443331843388noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1103458398796964631.post-82747586571090711852010-06-08T07:57:00.000-07:002010-06-08T07:58:03.072-07:00What do you do when you have no idea what to do?Reckless_Abandonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09447858443331843388noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1103458398796964631.post-67604398531891227862010-06-05T04:59:00.000-07:002010-06-05T05:09:19.681-07:00My last ridiculous week before I become a proper human being again..<br /><br />Hungover.. Last day with my refugees.. Friggin Starving.. It's weird to think how different my life will be this time in two weeks; for the unforeseeable future, not just passing by and catching up. I can't actually remember what my life was like when I lived in Yorkshire permamently.. drunken and manic, and pretty much totally lost - but I guess that was just me, geography makes no difference. I've changed so much since then, and I like to think for the better, I just find it really difficult to imagine myself, like I am now, back in Yorkshire, back with my favourite people, but making a life that isn't my pre-uni life.. I'm not really sure how it's going to go.. But here's to trying.. and hoping it all works out ok..Reckless_Abandonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09447858443331843388noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1103458398796964631.post-9096839311556523042010-06-02T13:52:00.000-07:002010-06-02T13:53:13.117-07:00<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Segoe UI', Tahoma, Verdana, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; color: rgb(68, 68, 68); "><p class="ecxMsoNormal" style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.35em; margin-left: 0px; line-height: normal; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; "><b style="font-weight: bold; "><span lang="EN" style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode', sans-serif; color: rgb(73, 73, 73); font-size: 13.5pt; ">you don’t know us.</span></b></p><p class="ecxMsoNormal" style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.35em; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 12.85pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; "><span lang="EN" style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode', sans-serif; color: rgb(110, 113, 115); "><span style="line-height: normal; font-size:100%;">But we’re everywhere.</span></span></p><p class="ecxMsoNormal" style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.35em; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 12.85pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; "><span lang="EN" style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode', sans-serif; color: rgb(110, 113, 115); "><span style="line-height: normal; font-size:100%;">There’re more of us than you think.</span></span></p><p class="ecxMsoNormal" style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.35em; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 12.85pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; "><span lang="EN" style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode', sans-serif; color: rgb(110, 113, 115); "><span style="line-height: normal; font-size:100%;">We smile.</span></span></p><p class="ecxMsoNormal" style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.35em; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 12.85pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; "><span lang="EN" style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode', sans-serif; color: rgb(110, 113, 115); "><span style="line-height: normal; font-size:100%;">We laugh.</span></span></p><p class="ecxMsoNormal" style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.35em; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 12.85pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; "><span lang="EN" style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode', sans-serif; color: rgb(110, 113, 115); "><span style="line-height: normal; font-size:100%;">We like to talk and drink coffee.</span></span></p><p class="ecxMsoNormal" style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.35em; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 12.85pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; "><span lang="EN" style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode', sans-serif; color: rgb(110, 113, 115); "><span style="line-height: normal; font-size:100%;">You’d never know.</span></span></p><p class="ecxMsoNormal" style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.35em; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 12.85pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; "><span lang="EN" style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode', sans-serif; color: rgb(110, 113, 115); "><span style="line-height: normal; font-size:100%;">It’s our hope you never will.</span></span></p><p class="ecxMsoNormal" style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.35em; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 12.85pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; "><span lang="EN" style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode', sans-serif; color: rgb(110, 113, 115); "><span style="line-height: normal; font-size:100%;">We won’t show you our tears.</span></span></p><p class="ecxMsoNormal" style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.35em; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 12.85pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; "><span lang="EN" style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode', sans-serif; color: rgb(110, 113, 115); "><span style="line-height: normal; font-size:100%;">You can’t imagine.</span></span></p><p class="ecxMsoNormal" style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.35em; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 12.85pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; "><span lang="EN" style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode', sans-serif; color: rgb(110, 113, 115); "><span style="line-height: normal; font-size:100%;">We wish we never had to.</span></span></p><p class="ecxMsoNormal" style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.35em; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 12.85pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; "><span lang="EN" style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode', sans-serif; color: rgb(110, 113, 115); "><span style="line-height: normal; font-size:100%;">You don’t really know about us at all.</span></span></p><p class="ecxMsoNormal" style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.35em; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 12.85pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; "><span lang="EN" style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode', sans-serif; color: rgb(110, 113, 115); "><span style="line-height: normal; font-size:100%;">Sometimes we wish you did.</span></span></p><p class="ecxMsoNormal" style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.35em; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 12.85pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; "><span lang="EN" style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode', sans-serif; color: rgb(110, 113, 115); "><span style="line-height: normal; font-size:100%;"></span></span> </p><p class="ecxMsoNormal" style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.35em; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 12.85pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; "><span lang="EN" style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode', sans-serif; color: rgb(110, 113, 115); "><span style="line-height: normal; font-size:100%;">We eat to not think.<br />We sleep to prove we can.<br />We kiss to tell. So we can choose to tell.<br />We cut to feel pain. Any pain but the pain.<br />We shower to heal. Hope to bleed.<br />We choose our sin so we can forget the sin of others.</span></span></p><p class="ecxMsoNormal" style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.35em; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 12.85pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; "><span lang="EN" style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode', sans-serif; color: rgb(110, 113, 115); "><span style="line-height: normal; font-size:100%;"></span></span> </p><p class="ecxMsoNormal" style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.35em; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 12.85pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; "><span lang="EN" style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode', sans-serif; color: rgb(110, 113, 115); "><span style="line-height: normal; font-size:100%;">They say we have no hope.</span></span></p><p class="ecxMsoNormal" style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.35em; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 12.85pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; "><span lang="EN" style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode', sans-serif; color: rgb(110, 113, 115); "><span style="line-height: normal; font-size:100%;">They say less hope than those who murder.</span></span></p><p class="ecxMsoNormal" style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.35em; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 12.85pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; "><span lang="EN" style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode', sans-serif; color: rgb(110, 113, 115); "><span style="line-height: normal; font-size:100%;">But there’s too many of us. </span></span></p><p class="ecxMsoNormal" style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.35em; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 12.85pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; "><span lang="EN" style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode', sans-serif; color: rgb(110, 113, 115); "><span style="line-height: normal; font-size:100%;">S</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(110, 113, 115); font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode', sans-serif; line-height: normal; font-size: medium; ">o I can’t believe that.</span></p><p class="ecxMsoNormal" style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.35em; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 12.85pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; "><span lang="EN" style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode', sans-serif; color: rgb(110, 113, 115); "><span style="line-height: normal; font-size:100%;">I can’t believe she won’t eat.<br />I can’t believe we won’t sleep.<br />I can’t believe she won’t turn away.<br />I can’t believe she won’t put down her blade.<br />I can’t believe showers have knives.<br />I can’t believe we won’t heal.</span></span></p><p class="ecxMsoNormal" style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.35em; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 12.85pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; "><span lang="EN" style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode', sans-serif; color: rgb(110, 113, 115); "><span style="line-height: normal; font-size:100%;">I won’t believe I won’t heal. I <b style="font-weight: bold; ">will</b> heal.</span></span></p><p class="ecxMsoNormal" style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.35em; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 12.85pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; "><span lang="EN" style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode', sans-serif; color: rgb(110, 113, 115); "><span style="line-height: normal; font-size:100%;">We may never forget. You may never know us.</span></span> </p><p class="ecxMsoNormal" style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.35em; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 12.85pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; "><span lang="EN" style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode', sans-serif; color: rgb(110, 113, 115); "><span style="line-height: normal; font-size:100%;">But we will be redeemed.</span></span></p><p class="ecxMsoNormal" style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.35em; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 12.85pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; "><span lang="EN" style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode', sans-serif; color: rgb(110, 113, 115); "><span style="line-height: normal; font-size:100%;">We already are…</span></span></p></span>Reckless_Abandonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09447858443331843388noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1103458398796964631.post-79032692935718141412010-06-02T09:16:00.000-07:002010-06-02T09:20:33.099-07:00<span class="Apple-style-span" style=" color: rgb(68, 68, 68); font-family:'Segoe UI', Tahoma, Verdana, Arial, sans-serif;font-size:13px;"><p class="ecxMsoNormal" style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.35em; margin-left: 0px; "><span lang="EN-GB"><span style="line-height: normal; "><span style="line-height: normal; font-family:Calibri;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#00CCCC;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">I’m having a lovely time at the moment =)</span></span></span></span></span></p><p class="ecxMsoNormal" style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.35em; margin-left: 0px; "><span lang="EN-GB"><span style="line-height: normal; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#00CCCC;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span style="line-height: normal; font-family:Calibri;"></span></span></span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:Calibri;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#00CCCC;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">Headwise</span> I feel so much better, not sure if it’s the new tablets finally starting to work or because I have been lying in the sun listening to things that interest me and reading all day. Either way, my me time this week has been long overdue.</span></span></span></p><p class="ecxMsoNormal" style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.35em; margin-left: 0px; "><span lang="EN-GB"><span style="line-height: normal; "><span style="line-height: normal; font-family:Calibri;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#00CCCC;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">I’<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">ve</span> recently come to the conclusion that the most interesting, most exciting people in life are the former fucked up ones. People who have overcome their issues/circumstance/destruction, and lived to tell the tale. People with a past, and experiences, even if they’re bad ones. Those people who I’m always so attracted to.</span></span></span></span></span></p><p class="ecxMsoNormal" style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.35em; margin-left: 0px; "><span lang="EN-GB"><span style="line-height: normal; "><span style="line-height: normal; font-family:Calibri;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#00CCCC;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">The strongest people in the world <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">aren</span>’t those most protected; they are the ones that must struggle against adversity and obstacles – and surmount them – to survive.</span></span></span></span></span></p><p class="ecxMsoNormal" style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.35em; margin-left: 0px; "><span lang="EN-GB"><span style="line-height: normal; "><span style="line-height: normal; font-family:Calibri;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#00CCCC;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">In my eyes, these strongest people are the most amazing, insightful people in the world.</span></span></span></span></span></p><p class="ecxMsoNormal" style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.35em; margin-left: 0px; "><span lang="EN-GB"><span style="line-height: normal; "><span style="line-height: normal; font-family:Calibri;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#00CCCC;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">In other news;</span></span></span></span></span></p><p class="ecxMsoNormal" style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.35em; margin-left: 0px; "><span lang="EN-GB"><span style="line-height: normal; "><span style="line-height: normal; font-family:Calibri;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#00CCCC;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">I’m leaving Swansea in nine days.</span></span></span></span></span></p><p class="ecxMsoNormal" style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.35em; margin-left: 0px; "><span lang="EN-GB"><span style="line-height: normal; "><span style="line-height: normal; font-family:Calibri;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#00CCCC;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">I have a new tattoo =) =) =)</span></span></span></span></span></p><p class="ecxMsoNormal" style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.35em; margin-left: 0px; "><span lang="EN-GB"><span style="line-height: normal; "><span style="line-height: normal; font-family:Calibri;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#00CCCC;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">I have sunburn</span></span></span></span></span></p><p class="ecxMsoNormal" style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.35em; margin-left: 0px; "><span lang="EN-GB"><span style="line-height: normal; "><span style="line-height: normal; font-family:Calibri;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#00CCCC;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">I want ginger hair</span></span></span></span></span></p><p class="ecxMsoNormal" style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.35em; margin-left: 0px; "><span lang="EN-GB"><span style="line-height: normal; "><span style="line-height: normal; font-family:Calibri;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#00CCCC;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">I started reading, and have almost finished, The Beautiful and Damned – I <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">reaaaaaalllllyyyy</span> like it</span></span></span></span></span></p><p class="ecxMsoNormal" style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.35em; margin-left: 0px; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#00CCCC;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">On a less happy note - i</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:Calibri;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#00CCCC;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">t’s got to that time of year again where I start to try to fuck things up. I have no idea why I do this; every year, at the beginning of the summer, with the exception of last year, I try, often unconsciously to ruin everything stable, everything good, in favour of something.. well, something.. not. Something reckless and risky and exciting, that’s destined to hurt people I care about. I think I have convinced myself, with regards to just about everything I do, all my coping mechanisms, all my vices, everything that deems me a fuck up, but that make me feel so alive, that I will grow out of them, that eventually I’ll get to a point in my life where I can look back on reckless nights, safe in the knowledge that that’s no longer who I am – I honestly thought I was getting there. I honestly thought I was becoming someone I could vaguely like for a while... It seems I was wrong.</span></span></span></p><p class="ecxMsoNormal" style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.35em; margin-left: 0px; "><span lang="EN-GB"><span style="line-height: normal; font-family:Calibri;font-size:100%;"> </span></span></p></span>Reckless_Abandonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09447858443331843388noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1103458398796964631.post-4391697165665380132010-05-21T14:19:00.001-07:002010-05-21T14:20:54.797-07:00Will we think about tomorrow like we think about now?<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:";"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#3333FF;">No sleep. Up too early. Too much coffee.</span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#3333FF;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#3333FF;">Butterflies. Exam. Post-exam drinks. Sitting in the sun. More post-exam drinks. Nachos. More post-exam drinks. The Beach. Paddling. Cartwheels. Friends. Sleeeeeeeep!<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:";"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#3333FF;">I am exhausted. But finally finished. And I’ve had a really, really good day.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:";"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#3333FF;">Now to sort out my life and establish some vague concept of a life plan for myself. Starting tomorrow, with cleaning my room. Excited. <o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:";"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#3333FF;">I heard this song for the first time in YEARS yesterday; it’s from my eighth grade graduation – amazing day, amazing weather, amazing people, but that’s a whole other story – anyway, I guess it’s more appropriate for high school, but it seems pretty fitting right now...<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family:";"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#3333FF;">And so we talked all night about the rest of our lives<br />Where we're gonna be when we turn 25<br />I keep thinking times will never change<br />Keep on thinking things will always be the same<br />But when we leave this year we won't be coming back<br />No more hanging out cause we're on a different track<br />And if you’ve got something that you need to say<br />You better say it right now cause you don't have another day<br />Cause we're moving on and we can't slow down<br />These memories are playing like a film without sound<br />And I keep thinking of that night in June<br />I didn't know much of love<br />But it came too soon<br />And there was me and you<br />And then we got real blue<br />Stay at home talking on the telephone<br />And we would get so excitedand we'd get so scared<br />Laughing at ourselves thinking life's not fair<br />And this is how it feels<br /><br />As we go on<br />We remember<br />All the times we<br />Had together<br />And as our lives change<br />From whatever<br />We will still be<br />Friends Forever<br /><br />So if we get the big jobs<br />And we make the big money<br />When we look back now<br />Will our jokes still be funny?<br />Will we still remember everything we learned in school?<br />Still be trying to break every single rule?<br />Will little brainy Bobby be the stockbroker man?<br />Can Heather find a job that won't interfere with her tan?<br />I keep thinking that it's not goodbye<br />Keep on thinking it's a time to fly<br /><br />Will we think about tomorrow like we think about now?<br />Can we survive it out there?<br />Can we make it somehow?<br />I guess I thought that this would never end<br />And suddenly it's like we're women and men<br />Will the past be a shadow that will follow us 'round?<br />Will these memories fade when I leave this town<br />I keep thinking that it's not goodbye<br />Keep on thinking it's a time to fly…</span></span><span style="Times New Roman","serif"; mso-ansi-language:EN-GBfont-family:";"><o:p></o:p></span></p>Reckless_Abandonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09447858443331843388noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1103458398796964631.post-51400309830046265452010-05-19T12:18:00.000-07:002010-05-20T09:06:44.143-07:00I could still be ruthless if you let meOne and a half days until uni is over. =)<br /><br />I rediscovered Something Corporate yesterday also.<br />happy happy happy.<br />sleepy sleepy sleepy.Reckless_Abandonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09447858443331843388noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1103458398796964631.post-49084656162773085212010-05-18T08:18:00.000-07:002010-05-18T08:20:24.065-07:00<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiAKHg7E2j3nvEJSY0A4S1MnVkB_bis4DEjxmJN0Tse2lzT__YdvbBwgCqgUEuKewfGspwE5I8HRj3Fed-G2HJoUA07JuzoEKJ-LSobvZEonUmmSTd3HF-LfwlyZ6gFWENW8YAlGTvnMQ8/s1600/tumblr_ktx7094j1h1qzevt2o1_400.jpg"><img style="MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; WIDTH: 247px; FLOAT: left; HEIGHT: 320px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5472630194240820994" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiAKHg7E2j3nvEJSY0A4S1MnVkB_bis4DEjxmJN0Tse2lzT__YdvbBwgCqgUEuKewfGspwE5I8HRj3Fed-G2HJoUA07JuzoEKJ-LSobvZEonUmmSTd3HF-LfwlyZ6gFWENW8YAlGTvnMQ8/s320/tumblr_ktx7094j1h1qzevt2o1_400.jpg" /></a><br /><div>Alex has been down again for a few days - that boy is my world. </div><br /><div></div><br /><div></div>Reckless_Abandonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09447858443331843388noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1103458398796964631.post-46487169496875627572010-05-06T11:40:00.000-07:002010-05-06T11:41:38.936-07:00Some people definitely aren't worth it.<br />Some people definitely are.Reckless_Abandonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09447858443331843388noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1103458398796964631.post-44051390520605734922010-05-03T06:24:00.000-07:002010-05-03T06:27:04.958-07:00<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgNJ-PnTaFjK5OQx4r5ajggieNApwPb3fsEYMWssnF8aAbH_ur5BOMAnK6jk5mXtz5CUrgys71xDL1WrpK7xmcVxN6kXxowjHhGNDtmF9rvgeytShodaRZi0xL5DVKsegCYbAjTPfea-ZU/s1600/jNw6WR363ps1kaqtd682BbdGo1_500.jpg"><img style="MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; WIDTH: 320px; FLOAT: left; HEIGHT: 200px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5467034732391561858" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgNJ-PnTaFjK5OQx4r5ajggieNApwPb3fsEYMWssnF8aAbH_ur5BOMAnK6jk5mXtz5CUrgys71xDL1WrpK7xmcVxN6kXxowjHhGNDtmF9rvgeytShodaRZi0xL5DVKsegCYbAjTPfea-ZU/s320/jNw6WR363ps1kaqtd682BbdGo1_500.jpg" /></a>Reckless_Abandonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09447858443331843388noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1103458398796964631.post-15497555216038878872010-05-03T06:11:00.001-07:002010-05-03T06:21:54.281-07:00Would you be happier?I am currently in the library, listening to Broken Social Scene and finishing my LAST ever essay, in Swansea at least. =)<br />I actually have a really good argument to put forward, so all is going well. Feeling happier right now; my work is almost done and Alex is down for a few days (I swear sometimes all I need is a snuggly night in with food and sex and an amazing person to make me feel better about life - it all seems so simple when I say it like that.)<br /><br />Here's to hoping my head stays ths way once he leaves.<br /><br />Do you ever feel you're someone else inside <br />And no one understands who you are<br />And wanna dissappear inside a dream <br />But never wanna wake up <br />Then you stumble on tomorrow and trip over today <br /><br />Would you be happier if you weren't so untogether <br />The sun shine brighter if you played a bigger part <br />Would you be wonderful if it wasn't for the weather <br />You're gonna be just fine...Reckless_Abandonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09447858443331843388noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1103458398796964631.post-53055496587523196992010-05-01T03:47:00.000-07:002010-05-01T03:49:03.766-07:00They don't shine quite as bright as back in FriscoI cannot wait two weeks for these tablets to work. I am a mess. My legs are a mess. I am getting nowhere with my essays and I just want to lie in bed all day. I don’t want to talk to anyone, I can’t face seeing anyone (except for Jay, I have no idea why), Ross is being a dick, I’m being a dick to Alex, and everyone really. I really want to go home for a bit.<br /><br />So you're taking these pills<br />For to fill up your soul<br />And you're drinking them down with cheap alcohol<br />And I'd be inclined to be yours for the taking<br />And part of this terrible mess that you're making<br />But me, I'm the catalyst<br /><br />You'll be the vein<br />You'll be the pain<br />You'll be the scar<br />You'll be the road, rolling below<br />The wheels of a car<br />And all of the thoughts, on God<br />Don't know if I'm strong enough now<br />You'll be the vein<br />You'll be the pain<br />You'll be the<br />Catalyst<br /><br />These L.A. lights,<br />They don't shine quite as bright as back in Frisco<br />Do you wanna go?<br />Do you still wanna go?Reckless_Abandonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09447858443331843388noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1103458398796964631.post-22091870039941915132010-04-29T09:16:00.000-07:002010-04-29T09:22:14.751-07:00I wish I could count to ten, make everything be wonderful again..Promises mean everything<br />when you're little and the world's so big,<br />I just don't understand how <br />you can smile with all those tears in your eyes<br />when you tell me everything is wonderful nowReckless_Abandonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09447858443331843388noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1103458398796964631.post-10772927792397667162010-04-28T08:20:00.001-07:002010-04-28T08:20:57.632-07:00Two essays finished in two days =)<br />Two more to go =(<br /><br />Tablets are making me feel really ill; giving them a week...Reckless_Abandonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09447858443331843388noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1103458398796964631.post-563739013702932152010-04-27T13:49:00.000-07:002010-04-27T13:51:53.812-07:00I want to live beyond the modern mentality...I wanna be better than oxygen <br />So you can breathe when you're drowning and weak in the knees <br /><br />I wanna speak louder than Ritalin <br />For all the children who think that they've got a disease <br /><br />I wanna be cooler than t.v. <br />For all the kids that are wondering what they are going to be <br /><br />We can be stronger than bombs <br />If you're singing along and you know that you really believe <br /><br />We can be richer than industry <br />As long as we know that there's things that we don't really need <br /><br />We can speak louder than ignorance <br />Cause we speak in silence every time our eyes meet. <br /><br />On and on, and on, and on it goes <br />The world it just keeps spinning <br /><br />Until i'm dizzy, time to breathe <br />So close my eyes and start again anew<br /><br /><3Reckless_Abandonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09447858443331843388noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1103458398796964631.post-66210877124349552112010-04-27T11:08:00.000-07:002010-04-27T11:10:15.334-07:00Great.<br />I am officially the epitome of an American emo child. <br />Clearly the lifestyle choice I had in mind.Reckless_Abandonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09447858443331843388noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1103458398796964631.post-78442293464584507312010-04-27T06:21:00.001-07:002010-04-27T06:21:46.674-07:00Tomorrow. I will go to the doctors tomorrow. <br />I have said this to myself for the past week, and I still can’t gather the courage to go. I’m not even sure what I’m scared of. <br />I do know that I can’t spend the next few years dipping in and out of this.. this.. I don’t even know what to call it, this ridiculous cycle of up and down and all over the place. I can’t deal with being manically ecstatic one minute and not being able to drag myself out of bed the next. I will go in the morning.<br /><br />“I have the choice of being constantly active and happy, or introspectively passive and sad. Or I can go mad by ricocheting in between.”Reckless_Abandonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09447858443331843388noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1103458398796964631.post-78209361289816611922010-04-25T09:02:00.000-07:002010-04-25T09:22:31.045-07:00So cut my wrists and black my eyes, so I can fall asleep tonight..I am begining to think that there are somethings that will never go away. But that I will never come to accept. And I’m not really sure what to do with those things. They are just sort of floating around my head, surfacing occasionally and destroying what little logic I have left. <br /><br />In the past week I have had the same nightmare every single night. One that I haven’t had for a while. It feels so real; that school, those people, things I don’t know, but that seem so familiar. My arms are weighted down and I can’t move, or breathe. Last night I woke up more terrified than I think I have ever been in my entire life. I dont know how to describe it but the suffocating, and the desperate attempts to escape just seem so real, I seem so aware of it all. I’m scared to go to sleep.Reckless_Abandonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09447858443331843388noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1103458398796964631.post-78300721142831781992010-04-25T06:25:00.000-07:002010-04-25T06:26:11.696-07:00I know that it is freezing, but I think we have to walk<br />I keep waving at the taxis, they keep turning their lights off<br />But Julie knows a party at some actor's West side loft<br />Supplies are endless in the evening by the morning they'll be gone<br /><br />When everything is lonely I can be my own best friend<br />I'll get a coffee and the paper, have my own conversations<br />with the sidewalk and the pigeons and my window reflection<br />The mask I polish in the evening by the morning looks like shit<br /><br />And I know you have a heavy heart, I can feel it when we kiss<br />So many men stronger than me have thrown their backs out trying to lift it<br />But me I'm not a gamble, you can count on me to split<br />The love I sell you in the evening by the morning won't exist<br /><br />You're looking skinny like a model with your eyes all painted black<br />Just keep going to the bathroom, always say you'll be right back<br />Well, it takes one to know one, kid, I think you've got it bad<br />But what's so easy in the evening by the morning's such a drag<br /><br />I got a flask inside my pocket, we can share it on the train<br />And if you promise to stay conscious I will try and do the same<br />We might die from medication, but we sure killed all the pain<br />But what was normal in the evening by the morning seems insane<br /><br />And I'm not sure what the trouble was that started all of this<br />The reasons all have run away, but the feeling never did<br />It's not something I would recommend, but it is one way to live<br />Cause what is simple in the moonlight by the morning never is<br /><br />It was so simple in the moonlight now it's so complicatedReckless_Abandonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09447858443331843388noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1103458398796964631.post-89671603463504112032010-04-23T09:25:00.000-07:002010-04-23T09:26:11.181-07:00I am in a much happier mood tonight =)<br /><br />I spent the evening at a friends, with his two lovely housemates, fish and chips, a few bottles of wine, a sheesh pipe and the election debate.<br />The debate was ok; I refuse to rant about politics in this blog however, the Conservative stance on Europe is more my ideal than any of the others, which is slightly worrying. My fear of Nick Clegg is also increasing - charismatic leaders scare me.. Hitler being a prime example (slightly extreme, but Obama, Blair, you get the gist!)<br /><br />My friends house mates have a massive picture of Sun Studios on the wall (they’re pretty down with country) so I got all excited and got drunk and listened to Johnny Cash and various million dollar quartet related things, and chatted with them for hours about Memphis, and New York City, and unfortunate sexual encounters. I love people with exciting stories. I want a new one...Reckless_Abandonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09447858443331843388noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1103458398796964631.post-50229810704314270332010-04-22T01:35:00.000-07:002010-04-22T01:37:09.724-07:00So cradle your head in your hands, and breathe..My head is in overdrive, again; I’m actually beginning to scare myself.<br />I want to curl up in a ball in my duvet, and cry, and cut my legs and hope my brain just shuts down – but due to my ridiculous fear of failure I am in the library 24/7 desperately trying, probably in vain, to get my dissertation finished. I don’t function well like this, I know I don’t, I’ve thrown up (involuntarily) three times in the past day and a half. There is no way I am making it to Monday an even relatively sane excuse for a human being.<br />I want my mum.<br />I’m listening to Anna Nalick and going to sleep.<br /><br />Cause you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable,<br />And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table.<br />No one can find the rewind button, boys,<br />So cradle your head in your hands,<br />And breathe... just breathe… oh breathe… just breathe…<br /><br />There's a light at each end of this tunnel,<br />You shout cause you're just as far in as you'll ever be out<br />And these mistakes you've made, you'll just make them again<br />If you only try turning around.<br /><br />2 AM and I'm still awake, writing a song<br />If I get it all down on paper, it's no longer inside of me,<br />Threatening the life it belongs to<br />And I feel like I'm naked in front of the crowd<br />Cause these words are my diary, screaming out loud<br />And I know that you'll use them, however you want to<br /><br />But you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable,<br />And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table<br />No one can find the rewind button now<br />Sing it if you understand.<br />and breathe… just breathe…oh breathe… just breathe…<br /><br />This is definitley one of my top five favourite songs <3Reckless_Abandonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09447858443331843388noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1103458398796964631.post-5480293732466671402010-04-21T14:21:00.000-07:002010-04-21T14:34:12.582-07:00I am currently entering my 11th hour in the library today. Go figure.<br /><br />On the bright side; I have listened to 10 hours of Belle and Sebastian, got an amazing postcard from my sister, and I'm going to the beach to sit in the dark and breathe when I have finished this section.Reckless_Abandonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09447858443331843388noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1103458398796964631.post-90980515069511491042010-04-20T08:11:00.000-07:002010-04-20T08:14:45.328-07:00Welcome to Dissertation Hell. Please drive carefullyI have SO much to do dissertation wise; my supervisor said what I have is really good but gave me an extra seven hundred million articles to read. Fun.<br /><br />I am going to a comedy night tonight - a charity one, to raise money for AJ and the Welsh Refugee Council - and I'm going to Jay's to watch the debate on Thursday and that aside I shall be living in the library. My life is so far beyond exciting.<br /><br /><br />Coffee and cigarettes will be out in full force for the next six days.Reckless_Abandonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09447858443331843388noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1103458398796964631.post-53102503519633957052010-04-18T13:36:00.000-07:002010-04-18T13:40:15.787-07:00Dreaming about Providence, and whether mice or men have second tries..If you inspire me, I will probably love you forever. <br /><br />These things/people/places do...<br /><br />Sunny days, Amélie, anything well written, San Francisco, Belle and Sebastian, Blue Like Jazz, Gemma, guys with acoustic guitars in pubs, art museums, Accross the Universe, the Beat Poets, getting high, Alex, camping, Sophie’s World, Che Guevara, Purpose for the Pain, New York City, really heavy rain, the anti-Vietnam movement, Jack Godwin, Matilda, Mark Beaumont, road trips, the Lake District, 1984, Sarah, P.J., the ocean, my mummy’s paintings, Garden State, John Lennon, The Freedom Writers, Thornton Viaduct, Marrakech, About a Boy, The Star Fish Story, my backgarden, History 407, The Beach Boys, old photographs, Brand New, Shairl’s Alpacha ranch, Ieuan Williams, anything South Carolinian, Bobby Kennedy, my degree, Lake Tahoe, the Sierra-Nevada Mountains, Kofi Annan, TWLOHA’s vision statement, my past, paddling in streams, e.e. cummings, this song...<br /><br />Fumbling his confidence<br />And wondering why the world has passed him by<br />Hoping that he’s meant for more than arguments<br />And failed attempts to fly,<br /><br />We were meant to live for so much more<br />Have we lost ourselves? <br />Somewhere we live inside<br /><br />Dreaming about providence<br />And whether mice or men have second tries<br />Maybe we’ve been living with our eyes half open Maybe we’re bent and broken<br /><br />We were meant to live for so much more<br />Have we lost ourselves? <br />Somewhere we live inside<br /><br />We want more than this world’s got to offerReckless_Abandonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09447858443331843388noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1103458398796964631.post-88305062257517598392010-04-16T08:19:00.000-07:002010-04-18T13:36:03.639-07:00You are free to write, others have not been so luckyIt’s fifty years since the Writers in Prison Committee was established and there’s a project going on over the course of this year (Because Writers Speak Their Minds) which seems so incredible, and enlightening and I’ve realised how important freedom of expression is. I always knew it was important, I spent all last term researching it, but sometimes all it takes is one article, by one inspired individual, to make you really think about things. The whole thing reminds me of Reading Lolita in Tehran, I may re-read it. In looking at all the authors who have been imprisoned for their written words, I got to thinking about my own writing. <br />Not that I do it much anymore.<br /><br />I have rarely thought that anything I have to say would be considered very controversial, and I’m torn between whether that is a result of my own inability to think on a large scale, large enough to challenge, or whether I do put things forward in my writing which hold the potential to be deemed controversial, yet in my own mind seem so normal that I fail to realise it.<br /><br />Either way, I’m going to write more.Reckless_Abandonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09447858443331843388noreply@blogger.com0